4 Ways that the Real World is Like Videogames.

If you're like me then videogames are a big percentage of your life, and most likely also like me you fear the outside world and it's strange and foreign ways. It's full of people, trees and air that hasn't been filitered! Fear not my fellow misanthropes, hermits and social rejects, the world is more like the games we play and may just be more tolerable... maybe... probably not though.

#4. Player Profiles.

Now, for anyone who's played some sort of MMO or something similar you know that every player has some sort of profile. This may be in the form of some quick stats, or a much larger page dedicated to that player and their interests. This makes playing with other human beings much easier because it eliminates all that awkward conversation getting to know that person by giving you a list of what that person already likes!

Real world counterpart:

Myspace, Facebook, and even Gaia. Now you might call all of these things their own games requiring a computer to access but phones are now being sold with Myspace connectivity standard. In fact, all you really need from some one is their name now and with a couple of short taps on your phone you already have everything you need to know about that person. It's like stalking on a lightspeed level. You don't even have to follow her home to know where she lives, you can just put her into any reputable map site and you have her address and if you use one of the less reputable sites, you may even get perfect peeping points.




Think about the implications of this, why interact with people at a party when you can easily ask a bud for their name, bring up their profile and see how you shack up against them? Wallflower? Hell no, more like research.

#3. The Railgun.

I was somewhat unsure of whether I should put this in but the sheer awesome of a railgun is to much to pass up. Probably most known from Quake, the Railgun has been seen in games like Red Faction, Battlefield 2142, Crysis and Metal Gear Solid. Like the Gauss cannon or the Rocket Launcher it has become a well know death bringer among gamers and gun-o-philes alike.

Real world counterpart:

Also called the Railgun. A railgun uses two magnetic rails, charged with opposite currents that can propel a 7 pound bullet two seven times the speed of sound (that's about 11,500 ft/s while an M16 only has a muzzle speed of about 3,000 ft/s). The projectile of a railgun goes so fast that it actually heats the air around so much that the air bursts into flames.


Now the problem with the real world railgun is that it's fucking big and they are going to put it on boats because they probably felt sorry for the Navy and decided that they deserve at least one cool thing. But if you are interested in a smaller scale Railgun you can check out this.

But you're looking at quite a bit of coin to make something you could just turn on your 360 to experience. Plus with the 360 you get that added fuzzy feeling of knowing what you just shot was a 12 year old from Omaha.

#2. Minimaps.

As gamers we have no doubt played at least one game with a minimap, they are a staple of adventure games, racing games and even some FPS. Some minimaps even come complete with a little arrow that points us in the right direction when we are lost or to gently encourage us to stop teabagging the recently deceased.

Real world counterpart:

Gps systems. This is probably closest to the racing version of the Minimap because most gps systems are used in cars or by yuppie idiots and campers. It used to be that you'd have to rely on old fashion memory to get where you were going, but not anymore! Now you can intrust in the glorious machine overlords to save your lazy ass once again and tell you where to go when you're speeding down roads, powersliding and hurling weaponized turtles out your windows.... I don't drive much.

#1. Splicing

Gene splicing, like nanobots, is a staple of the gaming industry. They are a common way to justify massive plotholes in a game or even create a plot. Done, deftly however splicing can be a welcome addition to any game, like Bioshock. Infact, if you haven't played Bioshock yet, go do it. Like, right now. It's okay I'll wait for you. Hmm hmm hm.... You're done? WASN'T IT AWSESOME!? Oh my god, I know! We'll talk about it later though, I have to do this article stuff now.

Real world counterpart:

Well, there are actually quite a few examples of gene splicing. Sadly though, none of them involve me getting radioactive spider powers, so all of those spider bites and nuclear waste baths were all for naught. What is becoming more common is something called Gene Doping. Gene Doping for all you non-thugs out there (shout out to my homies in the suburbs!) Gene Doping is a street term for inserting modified viruses into the bloodstream to create a stronger body. A noted event happened in 2006 where a German track coach was caught using a Repoxygen virus, a virus that boosts the production of oxygen carrying bloodcells.Myostatin blockers, Norepinephrine enhancers. There's a veritble orgy of body boosting tonics to choose from. Now there haven't been any known ill affects of gene doping but I think we all know what's going to happen. Victory.... Also I'm sure something like this.

Her name is Diane, she likes long walks and cuddling.

Imagine if you will a future where seedy drug dealer's pull kids off their hover sleds, lead them behind the Holoburger and sell them all manner of Bio-blow, Cellular Cocaine, Synaptic Speed! WHEN WILL THE ALLITERATION END!? WHEN I ASK YOU!? WHEN!?

With all these advancements you'd think the real world would not suck so hard... but it still does... I wonder what's on tv...