Mental Prowess

So, I'm extremely bored and decided I'd post something on here. But what to post? I don't really do anything interesting, and I'm not particularly clever. So I basically put my mind on random and let whatever came out flow forth. And that was a bad idea. Because I have a horrible mind. And after common sense made me delete several ideas, I decided to write this post. A chronicle of how my mind works...or doesn't work...whatever. At first I was going to explain my plan for putting Christopher Walken in every movie ever made. Just because. It's a grand plan, but this is more important.

Tee hee

Over the years, I've perfected the model for how my mind works. A very common way to describe people's mind is the idea of a train of thought. I like this. Except most people probably picture one train running. That's not my style. I have thousands of trains shooting around as dangerous speeds, ramping over each other and causing massive crashes. And there's tanks. Why tanks? Fuck you, that's why.

Like this, but with...trains...and tanks...and more purple

But back to the random thoughts. MARMALADE. See that? That was a random thought. I get those. A lot. Random little thought bubbles come up, and launch out of me...without much control by me. Going along with the train metaphor, my random thoughts are hobos. Gentle souls riding the rails, and bailing out between stops so the Pinkerton's don't catch them. Except my hobo's are often filth encrusted, angry people who have Tourettes.

An incredibly accurate portrayal of my thoughts... and me in ten years

So as a result, I'll be in the middle of a sentence, and suddenly my mind will yell something at me. Something horrible. And most likely, the little guy in my head that runs my Inner Scrutiny, Frank, allows them to get through, and out into the world. Great job Frank. So one minute you'll be talking to me (not really because...people don't talk to me) and out of nowhere I'll yell something like "DAVID BOWIE WITH FORCE LIGHTING SHOOTING OUT OF HIS CROTCH." Then you run. And I chase. And then cops come after me. And I go to jail. And get raped. And cry and cry and cry.... but I digress.

David Bowie seen here making love with his Ego

And my mind does this ALL. THE. TIME. It's like my mind has the ability to google search, and all I do is hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button. And instead of making me lucky, it spreads filth. And sadly, sometimes my mind just gives me random pieces of a puzzle, like I'm hitting the "random page" button on Wikipedia, then have to sculpt an idea out of the remnants. And I get thoughts like "Belgian Lapdance-Mobile" and then I have to come up with what the hell that would look like.

Classy and discreet

And that's the lesson for today. Since no one actually reads this, I figured I would vent some crazy. So there you are. Good luck getting David Bowie out of your head. And remember, write to your Congressman to get my Christopher Walken idea off the ground. We can do it people. But it will take work...so I can't do it. I'm terminally lazy. And antisocial. And not real.





SHAZAM!

Hell yes.