So, let's talk about how much I hate my other friends, shall we? Now I'm not one to name names, but their names rhyme with Dick and Bitch (Could you guess? Nick and Mitch! Haha dirty words!) So these two seem to be both stuck at dead ends with no way to get out and since I am the only one with in geographical convenience, they take it out on me. Both are two halves of one douchebag. So I'm going to divide it up thusly.
Mitch (Aka the Physical Douche Bag): Mitch is one of those people who can't formulate a witty comeback in an argument so instead of pausing for a moment or staying quiet, he spouts something nonsensical and karate chops you in the throat until you are rolling on the floor cursing your short attention span for easily following a simple suggestion to look up, with no second thought. He's the type of person you can't disagree with because the concept of anyone having a difference of opinion of him, is such a difficult idea for his peanut mind to grasp causes him to become enraged and physically assault you. It makes you wonder "What are you 7? Should we be separating you from others until you can learn to keep your hands to yourself?"
Nick (Aka the Annoying Douche Bag) I couldn't really think of how to classify how Nick is a douche bag in one word so let me explain it. Nick makes plans that work for him. Nick does not think of how his plans affect other people. Let me give you an example. Nick finds it fun to hang out at ONE in the morning. Now I'd be lying if I said that I was asleep at that time. I'm usually out flying jets while I tame lions and have sex with several women at once. The point is I'd rather be doing other stuff than going to Seven Eleven or fucking Denny's in the morning, and sometimes I need some fucking sleep. Another example of how he doesn't think his plans through in their relation to others. Before one of Tuesday classes that start at 3:45, they thought it would be fun to go Rock Climbing. First of all, I have no upper body strength so why the fuck would they think I want to come? And yet they kidnap me and take me to the rock climbing place (Because apparently people want to pay 30 bucks to climb fake rocks instead of climbing real ones for free). Here's the clincher. YOU HAVE TO BE EIGHTEEN TO ROCK CLIMB. So instead of my them saying "Hey! Let's do something else instead!" I fucking sat for two hours and watched them climb up and down, over and over. Hmm, where could I get that same experience?
Nick and Mitch recently came to my home and of course being the man that I am... I locked the door and hid like I was Anne Frank. As if that wasn't bad enough, they sat around and waited for FORTY FIVE MINUTES! You'd think after at least ten they'd catch a fucking hint. So after they finally drove away, I sat down and relaxed, but that wasn't enough for them. They came back a half hour later and tapped on my downstairs glass door. So I did the manliest thing of all... I told my mother. So she of course denied my suggestions to lie and tell them I was dead and never coming back, or to call the cops on them so she did the mom thing and told them I was grounded or something lame.
The point of it all is I'm tired of lowering myself for them, tired of the physical abuse and tired of the shit they put me through, and if they come back, I'm going to tell them just that, and that I hope they want to hang out when they grow up a little.
Mitch (Aka the Physical Douche Bag): Mitch is one of those people who can't formulate a witty comeback in an argument so instead of pausing for a moment or staying quiet, he spouts something nonsensical and karate chops you in the throat until you are rolling on the floor cursing your short attention span for easily following a simple suggestion to look up, with no second thought. He's the type of person you can't disagree with because the concept of anyone having a difference of opinion of him, is such a difficult idea for his peanut mind to grasp causes him to become enraged and physically assault you. It makes you wonder "What are you 7? Should we be separating you from others until you can learn to keep your hands to yourself?"
Nick (Aka the Annoying Douche Bag) I couldn't really think of how to classify how Nick is a douche bag in one word so let me explain it. Nick makes plans that work for him. Nick does not think of how his plans affect other people. Let me give you an example. Nick finds it fun to hang out at ONE in the morning. Now I'd be lying if I said that I was asleep at that time. I'm usually out flying jets while I tame lions and have sex with several women at once. The point is I'd rather be doing other stuff than going to Seven Eleven or fucking Denny's in the morning, and sometimes I need some fucking sleep. Another example of how he doesn't think his plans through in their relation to others. Before one of Tuesday classes that start at 3:45, they thought it would be fun to go Rock Climbing. First of all, I have no upper body strength so why the fuck would they think I want to come? And yet they kidnap me and take me to the rock climbing place (Because apparently people want to pay 30 bucks to climb fake rocks instead of climbing real ones for free). Here's the clincher. YOU HAVE TO BE EIGHTEEN TO ROCK CLIMB. So instead of my them saying "Hey! Let's do something else instead!" I fucking sat for two hours and watched them climb up and down, over and over. Hmm, where could I get that same experience?
Nick and Mitch recently came to my home and of course being the man that I am... I locked the door and hid like I was Anne Frank. As if that wasn't bad enough, they sat around and waited for FORTY FIVE MINUTES! You'd think after at least ten they'd catch a fucking hint. So after they finally drove away, I sat down and relaxed, but that wasn't enough for them. They came back a half hour later and tapped on my downstairs glass door. So I did the manliest thing of all... I told my mother. So she of course denied my suggestions to lie and tell them I was dead and never coming back, or to call the cops on them so she did the mom thing and told them I was grounded or something lame.
The point of it all is I'm tired of lowering myself for them, tired of the physical abuse and tired of the shit they put me through, and if they come back, I'm going to tell them just that, and that I hope they want to hang out when they grow up a little.
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