Oh interwebs....

Hi there.

I'm about 90% positive no one reads this blog, and even if you ever did, you've long since lost hope that another post would happen. I know I can't vouch for what Woody's doing, and I'm sure Brett's been up to important things (watching Lithuanian porn). I, on the other hand, have been very busy staging a coup in Columbia. It all started when a woman named Christina came to tell me that a former friend of mine named Santos had been killed while trying to lead a revolution against the cruel dictator. So I of course stepped in to help......wait...that's the plot of McBain. Whatever I've actually just been suffering from a severe case of apathy.

above: Author

But I decided to overcome that apathy, and write something. And my random reference to McBain is the first step to that something. And you just thought it was pointless pop culture referencing. No. In fact, I was participating in something the internet prides itself in. Worshiping Christopher Walken. Why Christopher Walken? Why not. I really can't explain why the internet has taken to him, but it has. And he's not the only one. The internets seem to be able to latch onto any person of marginal celebrity, and make them a patron saint. Other examples include Chuck Norris, who would be nothing if the internet hadn't begun making claims of his divinity, and Rick Astley, who should have faded into purgatory with the rest of the 80's but instead lives on in the form of annoying anyone foolish enough to accept a link from anyone. The list goes on, but I'm too lazy to talk about them.

above: Awesome

But what was the purpose of this article? I have some people who I feel are worthy to become saints of the interwebs.


First off, this friendly chap

above: Sweaty, hairy awesome

His name is Torgo. And he's glorious. Torgo has been something of a nerd icon even since his truly awful movie Manos: the Hands of Fate was unleashed on the public in the form of an episode of the classic show Mystery Science Theater 3000. Torgo was something of a villainous character (if knocking out a guy then trying to fondle his wife makes a guy a villain) but I see Torgo as something of a hero. And if the some other sites I found are to be trusted, Torgo is in fact Jesus. So he's got that going for him.


Second, this man

above: Totally awesome

His name is David Daggett. Why should he be an internet saint? Well I really don't think I have to go into that here. Moving on



And Finally, my last candidate for internet saint-hood, Danny DeVito

above: Awesome?

Why Danny DeVito? Well, he's short and weird. And frankly, that should be enough for you internet.

Well, that's all for now, I hope you embrace my candidates internet.
I may update more often, not that anyone reads this. If anyone actually did read this post, and is mildly interested in us continuing our blog, it'd be great if you comment or something so I don't feel like I'm just talking to myself. Not that I have a problem with talking to myself...even though I am a dick...god I hate me...